2025, a year of slowly becoming together :)
2025 has been a full and happy year :)
Not the loud, flashy kind of happiness,
but the quiet kind that comes from a settled mind.
Shifting my mindset has subtly changed the way I think and see things.
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Back in 2023, I was honestly falling apart inside.
Anxiety, confusion, comparison —
they made everyday life feel heavy and painful.
I kept looking for comfort from the outside world,
watching Bluey, watching LinaBell videos.
Cute things became a reminder to me that this world still holds gentleness.
I’m also not sure if it was a lingering effect of asthma,
but for a while, my heart would suddenly race,
sometimes even triggering anxiety attacks.
Waking from nightmares, my heart would beat so fast that neither logic nor willpower could calm it.
I’m grateful that this has improved a lot.
I started taking CoQ10 to support my heart,
and I’ve learned to care for my body in small ways,
like a gentle massage.
So in Artist Journal 031,
my wish for 2025 was very simple:
to get through the year safely and peacefully.
About perfectionism.
Perfectionism has always been part of me.
I want to do the things I love as best as I can.
But years of outside influence built up a strong sense of insecurity.
From my appearance, to my behavior, to my abilities…
so often I was made to feel like I wasn’t enough.
I often wondered:
why can’t people be a little kinder to one another?
Now, I’m certain of one thing:
the words we say, especially to children,
need to be chosen with care.
Seemingly casual comments can linger for years,
growing alongside them.
Last year, I began to let go of the voices that made me feel small.
My mindset shifted, and it felt like a soft light was finally shining in front of me.
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In my dreams, I held Gyoshent in my arms.
Love started to bloom again inside my heart.
I realized I might actually be able to move forward.
I longed for a small dog,
someone to share all the love I had stored up.
And Lumi gave me unconditional love :)
She doesn’t care about how I look,
or whether I’m busy, or how long she has to wait.
She only cares about one thing —
whether I’m responding to her emotional needs.
She’s so expressive, every little desire is clear on her face.
When the food she wants is in the fridge,
she stares at it for a while.
When she wants to play,
she carries her toy over, teasing me (in a good way XD).
When she wants to sleep on the bed, or sunbathe on the balcony,
or go for a walk…
she shows it all, never hides any of it.
She’s just too adorable! 💛🩷
I almost forgot love could be so direct and bright.
Through these everyday moments,
my anxiety and perfectionism slowly faded.
They no longer hold me back.
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I’ve always wanted to document my life —
the food I cook, my paintings, my daily routines.
But whenever I think about it, I always hesitate.
Criticism always seemed louder than encouragement.
Maybe eight to two in ratio.
Even the way I walk or talk felt open to judgment.
So over time, I stopped moving forward.
But this year, my inner world has grown stronger.
Strong enough to protect my inner child.
I no longer need validation from others to feel my own worth.
And I no longer let someone else’s denial
define who I am.
If someone spends all their energy judging others,
without really understanding them,
it won’t make their own life any better.
It’s more meaningful to turn inward,
to focus on yourself, and let your life feel lighter.
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Now, I close the door gently to external noise
and bring my attention fully back to myself.
I don’t rush to prove anything,
and I don’t let other voices decide my path or my thoughts.
Life doesn’t need to be seen by everyone.
But I want to live it fully, day by day.
I’ve started documenting my life and creative process,
just for myself.
These days are quiet, but they’re real.
And I like them that way :)
